| first day |
[May. 10th, 2008|02:44 pm] |
i knew it would come
"you're an asshole
why?"
so i now have this uneasy feeling in my stomach
hopefully not a sign of things to come
it simply won't stand. |
|
|
| in other bougie news, |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|12:28 pm] |
| [ | sounds |
| | supergrass- 'supergrass is 10' | ] |
i didn't break up with the boy.
the noise session went splendid.
my apartment is now finally put together, with stuff on the walls and everything.
no longer looking like a tenement house.
life seems to be falling in to place.
and i'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop. |
|
|
| yeah yeah. it's an update. |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|03:55 am] |
| [ | place |
| | futon | ] |
| [ | sounds |
| | modest mouse- building something out of nothing | ] |
good:
-recording noise (w/ trevor and i)
-rocking pro tools HARD
-going to see fuck buttons and caribou
-having my ears and body vibrating from said show
-eating eggs and downing a gianormous bloody mary
-portland strip clubs
-breaking into a spontaneous bar crawl with multiple people
-making tuna fish sandwiches at 3 in the morning
-pissing the afternoons away
bad:
-being behind on independent writing contract
-having to probably break up with a boy (because it's the right thing to do)
-getting up in 6 hours
-oly weather
-oly music scene (just for once, pretend you're actually enjoying yourself, douche bags! uhhhh! i guess you're too cool to be here anyway...)
(format stolen from ariana) |
|
|
| music blog! |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|12:43 pm] |
so after a spending a weekend surrounded by music critics*, i've decided to take my first quasi-legit step in that direction.
...with a music blog, that is.
hey, every kid with a vintage t-shirt collection and my bloody valentine records has one, waiting for their chance to "make it" in new york.
why not me?
so do yourself a favor, check it out.
it can't be much worse than the majority of music journalism and criticism out there.
http://ringing-ears. blogspot. com/
*EMP's Pop Conference. a rad way to geek out for a weekend. yeah, i know..... |
|
|
| just trying to keep my head above water |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|12:55 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | kings of convenience | ] |
i'm stress sick right now.
so far, i'm behind on my class from being sick the past 2-3 weeks,
might lose partial credit this quarter,
need to pack up to move,
need to send in my forms/check for the italy trip (which only has 2 spots left),
need to find a sponsor for my contract,
need to go to seattle tomorrow
and keep my sanity.
hopefully, shit will calm down once i get all my work done.
hopefully, my stomach won't constantly be in a knot.
everything else is going peachy,
except for the fact it feels like i'm in quicksand.
i need some hugs and some kava.
the end. |
|
|
| fuck you, pitchfork |
[Jan. 30th, 2008|01:15 pm] |
| [ | sounds |
| | xiu xiu- the air force | ] |
"And, of course, the music itself, a nebulous but forceful concoction of sopping wet harpsichords, detonating percussion, submerged rock, atonal scaffolding, and unhinged electro-pop."
-Brian Howe's review of Xiu Xiu's "Women as Lovers"
"Atonal scaffolding"? "Submerged rock"? I now believe that Brian Howe enjoys writing purple prose for the same reason people enjoy watching internet porn or others put preachy bumper stickers on their own cars: for their own selfish enjoyment and self-indulgent joy. There's a preening present in his words, like a bird showing of its colorful feathers. Mr. Howe does not want to impart any knowledge and certainly doesn't want to give you any concrete impression of this album, sonically or otherwise, because he knows what "sopping wet harpsichords" sound like and screw you if you don't.
True, writing about music, explaining it, expressing it, is a foolish task. Music relies on no set form, rules or description. Trying to describe music is like trying to hear what honey tastes like. But writing like a pompous, pretentious shit certainly isn't the way to go. |
|
|
| never |
[Jan. 13th, 2008|01:41 pm] |
| [ | sounds |
| | casiotone for the painfully alone | ] |
tattoo temporal identifiers on your body
e.g. anarchist, straight-edge, liberal, etc.
it's the equivalent of tattooing "blonde" on your body
no matter what you think now,
you will change.
you are not the same person today that you will be tommorow, the next week, or the next year.
my theory on tattooes is that they should document a period of time in your life.
that way, when you look at your wrist or arm or ankle, it's like looking back in time, at a memory,
instead of a regret.
and in my defense, i'll always be from florida |
|
|
| a new type |
[Dec. 26th, 2007|02:04 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | 'a glow' by okkervil river | ] |
if there is one thing i love about my time is key west,
it's the lack of wanting
...another, that is.
my day-to-day life is completely void of thinking of this guy or that guy,
that boy that volunteers at the bike shops that has me enamored with his refusal to pay for groceries or more than $100 for rent, or
this boy with a new fixed surly and colorado sensibility.
this newfound mental freedom doesn't leave a hole.
it doesn't leave anything at all.
i don't notice my lack of mental strain until the 5 day mark.
it's like it was never there at all.
as if my mind is saying,
"of course, i've always been so self-reliant.
why wouldn't it be any other way?"
but instead, other worries seep in.
my mother seeing that boy creep out of the house the other morning.
those keg shells i commandeered through less than savory methods, whose funds will be donated towards political prisoners.
the simplicity of life now leaves room for other circular thoughts.
am i happier?
probably not.
the fear of being arrested for keg theft has no satisfactory ending.
hassling from the cop or money for activists.
with guys,
the end to my means are far more intriguing.
a fling or being slighted, yet again?
the payoff worth the mental drain, the risk worth the reward, the heartache worth the limbo.
so, let me revel in this new type of mental freedom for another week.
then it's back to melodrama and bright eyes.... |
|
|
| we should've just stayed in bed |
[Dec. 9th, 2007|09:05 pm] |
| [ | sounds |
| | 'bands with managers'- pedro the lion | ] |
it snowed,
i stayed in bed.
it came down, soft and slow,
drifting on the horizon,
i stayed in bed.
people walked in and out,
bikes rolled by,
we stayed in bed.
a note passed under the door,
after furiously, complative scribbling,
we stayed in bed.
a conversation through the sheet of a wall,
we stayed in bed.
the eminant future loomed over my head:
the awkward minutes finding clothes,
silently shoving feet, hands, arms, legs into fabric.
an uncomfortable meal,
an unceremonious breaking of bread.
i talk of drinking too much to hide my discomfort.
i waited for you to make the first move.
i left once i realized waiting was futile.
we should've just stayed in bed. |
|
|
| tonight |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|06:08 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | i'm not a player- big pun | ] |
included:
derrick jensen
snuff
whiskey
family guy
an orange ANIMAL sweatshirt
beer
a leather jacket
roommate bonding over rap music
chain smoking
snuggling
and feeling fully unattached once again
it was glorious |
|
|
| beer before liquor, never sicker |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|11:46 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | the blow- hey boy | ] |
nothing better than laying in bed with a guy and then getting up to puke.
fun and sexy at the same time.
that's so punk rock.
anywho, with last night's indiscretions behind me, i can move on.
i'm heading to portland in the next couple of hours.
tofurky day with my roomie's family.
i wanna hit up some ethiopian food while i'm there.
overall, though, yesterday was pretty sweet.
went to dumpster values and got some sweet shirts and a sweater.
i've been dressing like peter brady lately.
it's been pretty fucking sweet.
i also went to rainy day records.
got the new iron and wine on vinyl, old time relijin, the album leaf and the blow.
the blow's "poor aim: love songs" is pretty fucking sweet.
i recommend it.
anywho, i've been started to wonder how many more hangovers i can have.
i always seem to overdue it.
and when i don't, i'm surprised and uber-proud.
i'm getting to old for this shit.
anywho, i'm off to pack....
xoxo |
|
|
| the floodgates |
[Nov. 10th, 2007|03:19 am] |
it's welling up.
the stress, the emotions, the revolution, the nausea.
it's adding up.
i can't eat yet i'm still hungry.
feeling the empty places with smokey air.
limp arms, slack eyes.
i've fucked up all my future expectations.
so let's make new plans.
stop taking loose stands.
but it's piling up.
the clothes, the papers, the emotions.
the distance is growing
and, before long,
the wall will be completely solid.
well, damn the floodgates!
tear them down.
there's nothing left to hold them up.
the past two months were proping them up.
i've been waiting for the crest to break,
climbing up hill,
waiting to reach the peak.
waiting to release a sigh.
more uphill, more resistances.
it's going to break soon.
i just hope i'm not around when it does... |
|
|
| test tube dating |
[Oct. 8th, 2007|02:37 pm] |
would it be crass to ask you to date me as a social experiment?
just to see if i'm capable.
just to understand the ground rules a little better.
of course, holding hands, movie dates and sex would be part of it.
everything a normal relationship has except with a bit of detached objectivism.
i'll then write a brillant paper that will be published in many scientific journals, only to be forgot by next year.
i'll be famous and then infamous,
praised in the academic community, scorned in the social one.
'how could she be so cold and calculating about something like relationships and love?'
'how can you use another as a guniea pig for an experiment?'
the new age kids will hate it, with their ponchos, bongos and 'free love',
but the hipsters will love it.
the ultimate jaded detachment.
they could only hope to succeed at it so well.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|07:12 pm] |
someone like me
and thinks i'm assertive
i'm already talking my way out of it
in my head
so much foresight would be useful
at other times
'maybe something better will come along'
but it hasn't yet
it's only been 3 days
and i'm already nervous |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|04:41 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | los campesinos! | ] |
i feel so confused
should i, should i not?
not what i expected,
but are expectations holding me back?
they are only there to let us down.
i felt a little nauseous when i got home.
the 'what the fuck did i do' got to me.
not a horrible thing, but a thing with multiple repercussions.
did my impulses write a check that my ass has to cash?
yeah, liz was right. sometimes my doors should lock from the inside.
i'm content to spend the weekend at home.
movies, maybe some weeds, people.
i need to think, read, reflect.
the next week will tell how this thing will pan out.
only time will tell.... |
|
|
| update |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|12:01 pm] |
well, i've been staying relatively busy, even though classes haven't started yet.
i'm wondering if they ever will...
put my bike together yesterday. needs a new brake cable. (note to self: don't use front brake) i'm volunteering at the bike shop, so i'll stop by there today and do work, son.
went to the SDS meeting on wednesday. thoroughly have my counterculture stoke on now. it's nice to have it back.
have to talk to a professor today about getting into an audio recording class. would love to be proficent in the analog aspects of recording.
that's the nuts and bolts of everything.
i've met a ton of people so far, but they all seem so young. nice, relatively accepting kids, but not nearly pretentious enough. they talk about magic: the gathering and dnd without irony for fuck's sake.
make out with a few guys so far. hope i run into one of them, hope the other one falls off a bridge onto sharp objects.
that's kind of the update, so far. tommorow classes start. finally....
ps. mount eerie is playing hear next week. fuck yeah... |
|
|
| late |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|04:00 am] |
it's all been going so well.
i just hope i don't fall.
whenever my life is going too swimmingly,
i seem to hold my breath.
one false step and the air will get knocked out of my body.
and then it's like climbing out of a deep hole.
i try not to revert back to this thinking,
but you know what they say about something looking too good...
i watched a good documentary 'thin' about eating disorders.
i just shouldn't have started it at 2 am.
i won't be able to go to sleep for a little bit now.
quite disturbing.
(but even after watching that,
i still think i look damn good....
hehe. here's too a bloated self-ego)
sigur ros will hopefully lull me into a peaceful sleep... |
|
|
| school |
[Sep. 16th, 2007|01:20 am] |
| [ | sounds |
| | 'get big' by okkervil river | ] |
is just what i need.
despite my past horrible experience of living on campus freshman year, which lead me into a spiral of depression, evergreen couldn't be further from that.
maybe it's my experience and age, but people at school seem less threatening, even kind.
i've had a weird struggle with social anxiety throughout the years, despite what most people know of me.
freshman year, others seems to hold to key to my self-worth.
now, they just seem like drunk kids, emphasis on kids (though it should be on drunk, especially tonight).
harmless and still somewhat innocent.
it was a long road that took me from a 17 year-old freshman to this present date.
drug addiction, depression, independence, a changing concept of what constitutes a friend, travels, music (which ultimately helped me turn my life around. ask me sometime. it's like a fucking episode of 'behind the music'), etc.
i'll try not to make this too sappy, but i can only take an brief inventory of my life at this point because this is really a turning point in my life.
a couple thousands miles away from home, knowing few people, doing what i always wanted to do, living where i always wanted to live.
okay, i'm not perfect, wise, or even mature, most of the time.
i laugh at stupid shit, drink til 4 am when i have to be up at 8, smoke too many cigarettes and make horrible decisions with boys.
i'm know i'm only 20, but we've come a long way, baby... |
|
|
| sum-sum-summertime |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
been cooking almost every night.
it's been really enjoyable.
almost my pants aren't fitting quite as well....
i kinda overdid it yesterday.
brunch at 1 and i just kept doing it...
drinking, drinking, sick...
i've gone to parties every night for the past week.
carl and i set the dance party off every time.
yea.
at the house (aka the mondrian):
art projects
beer pole
matching tattooes
good summer.
a little for productivity would be nice,
but still, it's good... |
|
|
| paint fumes |
[Jul. 31st, 2007|03:58 am] |
today was rather productive.
i woke up around 2 and make tofu scramble.
the landlord had to show my apartment for about an hour, so carl and i went to kudu and then to the grocery store.
then a trip to artist and craftman for fabric paint, brushes and neon prink spray paint.
i made a diamond stencil and a diagonal design stencil.
put a couple diamonds on my hoodie.
made a rad shirt with the diamond and diagonal design.
then sewed up my matt and kim shirt.
a few people came over to the house.
we (aka i) made vegan lettuce wraps.
rad.
tommorow i'm biking the bridge and seeing hairspray with nikki.
woop. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
telephonelwires's journal